A Sign of the Times

Dearest Reader,

I am again so sorry for my absence in our correspondence. I was caught up in local events and pushing myself to go beyond my comfort zone. I tried my best, hoped things might get better, and, in the end, the more things change the more they stay the same.

In an effort to adequately regale the recent events and tell you how my days have been going, this may end up in several pieces. I am so tired today. Still. My eyes have been red, my arms are particularly weak today and my fingers are not finding the correct keys to put my thoughts to computer.  Honestly, the thought of attempting to publish this post is daunting. Many of my posts take hours to complete (whether or not they look like it!) and then there is the added effort to adequately publish it to the social media void where my hopes are to build this into something tangible and profitable. I don't think that's too much to ask.

The best waitress ever! She saw me and even tho I wasn't in her restaurant, she brought me water and checked in on me. I went in to thank her afterwards and we sat and chatted for awhile. Really-above and beyond! She's a rock-star!!

The biggest event in my world since I last wrote to you was this-
my hometown baseball team, The Kansas City Royals, did not win the World Series. In game 6 they came out strong, shutting out the The Giants with a 10-0 score. The following day was the final game. Hopes were high and the city was abuzz with excitement. We had it. We were convinced there was no way we wouldn't win. The whole country was pulling for us. The national eyes were on us.

Suffice it to say we lost 3-2. You could feel the disappointment in the air, the collective breath of the city exhaled into 'maybe next year'. The boys did their best. No one can ask them for any more than that. We made it the Series anyway, despite all expectations from winning the wildcard game to taking the pennant. I watched the last game back at P&L to a standing room only crowd. I had arrived very early, another fan and myself working together to secure and maintain our 'spot'. I had my braces on my feet, knee and back. I brought my cushion and had a well 'stocked' bag with anything I might need.

My crew!!

This event would be the first time strangers championed me. I can't even articulate how it made me feel. It was surreal for sure. As the area filled with people we sat in our spot, on the steps right in front. And like most people in type of situation, strangers begin to talk to one another, sharing the excitement and creating a sort of 'group'. As the crowd became a mass, we intertwined our arms to resist letting the crazy people who wanted to go either to the front or to the back of the area on a route between us, over us, or through us (and disturbing our game viewing!). There was nowhere for anyone to squeeze through anything to get to anywhere.

Wall to wall people! This was right before the game started...

I kept sitting down as the game went on and my group was okay with that. They understood why needed to rest and as a bonus for them, the coats and bags were piled up next to me (there was a low retaining wall to my right) giving them freedom from keeping track or holding their own belongings. Sometime around the 5th inning a woman next to our group made some sort of remark about me sitting down. She said 'if she has a problem she shouldn't attend things like these'. A few in my group responded to her and then the interaction became an altercation of sorts. The crux of the situation was they were defending my right to sit down amid the crowd. No one mentioned my obvious physical hindrances at that moment, but when some mention it, she got indignant! She made a another remark about disabled and handicapped ppl not be 'allowed' to attend these events. That's when I said "What the f*ck did you just say?" She attempted to ignore me as I began to yell at her. I'm giggling now, but I asked her where she learned her values, her mother must be so proud of you discriminating, etc. I had some good zingers in there!

At any rate, she promptly left and tried to squeeze by others, who complained about her trying to move through the crowd. Irony anyone?

Standing up for yourself is hard. Confronting people like that is hard. I'm getting better at it. People like me who have an invisible illness have to build a tolerance for ignorant people. I've had my run-ins while parking in a handicapped spot. "You don't look handicapped" is the most common phrase. I appreciate those people's efforts to look out for a visibly handicapped person and I have said that a few times. The question I always ask/come back with is something like "IS every handicap a visible one?" If they are snotty I will ask them if they would like to see my colostomy bag, or artificial limb, or the giant scars from all the operations, or anything else I can come up with. If I'm really pissed off I say "maybe my handicap is mental disability and I think I forgot to take my anti-psychotic pills today!" That definitely shuts 'em up! Times are changing and there are groups who are leading the effort to change the handicapped symbol from this♿ to something else. Not every handicapped person is in  wheel chair.